Life can become simpler when you occasionally approach things from a different perspective than you are accustomed to. Growing up in Asia, I was taught that being mindful of others' feelings and reactions based on your actions or thoughts is one of the top priorities. It was challenging. As I entered my late twenties, I had to reset and begin practising saying No or expressing my thoughts on various matters. Trust me, life becomes more manageable when you compile a list of things you are not obligated to anyone for and act accordingly.
After reading so many reference books, I decided for my personal growth what I do not owe anyone, including my family.
1. You do not owe anyone an explanation about your relationship.
You are not obligated to justify your choice of partner to anyone, not even your family. Your feelings are personal and unique; others cannot fully understand or share them. I was born into Christianity (as evident from my name), raised in an Asian environment, actively involved in the Church, and lived in the largest Muslim country in the world. Being gay was challenging, but being honest with oneself is key. Being homosexual in Indonesia as a Christian is not as difficult as one might think. The important thing is to embrace who you are and seek out people who accept you for who you are.
Same-sex love is bad, men and women are made for each other, and it is natural to be with opposite sex are just propaganda religions ever created. Let be real, history has proven that traditional marriage is not a guarrantee for happy marriage and male and female couple is not equal to good parents.
2. You do not owe anyone about your appearance.
As a fashion blogger and influencer, it is easy to think that everyone wishes to see you in a well-combined outfit of the day or at least to be stylish every time you leave your front door. No! I do not have a chance to dress as the best all the time. Occasionally, I want to wear my comfy ugly t-shirt and sweatpants. If you do not like it, look another way.
3. You do not owe anyone validation.
Speak up and be true to yourself. Even in silence, you are already giving someone validation. Open agreement or just going with the flow is also a validation. When something goes against what you believe in, do something about it.
4. You do not owe anyone a child.
As a gay couple, I often got a question if we want to have a kid and why. My answer is simple: no kid and I do not need one. It is almost a common question to women married or now and even worse when they reach a certain age because the biological clock is ticking. However, why do you think humans are made to reproduce? There are so many parents that are not suitable to be a parent at all, worry more about that.
5. Do not be sad; no one owes you attention or friendship.
Ah, yes, that again. You do not owe anyone friendship or attention. You can be a super kind person, a superstar or a super rich kid; people will always not like you. A story of myself: I have a friend who will put everything on Facebook to get attention from others, and when you and some others are not reacting, this friend will put the next message on the wall saying that some of the friends are not real friends. At first, I always felt sorry about this, but then I thought, wait a minute, I do not owe anything to this person. So, if you are not getting attention from someone, do not try too hard. It will not work or will be working on the wrong side.
6. Others’ beliefs are theirs; you do not need to agree.
The truth is that everyone can get hardheaded and easily offended when it comes to beliefs. No matter what, you do not owe anyone agreement to their beliefs, no matter what they are or how much they believe in them. It is okay to disagree with them gracefully rather than stay silent or start an argument about them.
7. Please leave me alone.
You do not owe anyone an explanation if you need a moment to be alone. I often close myself from my surroundings: in a cafe, in a club, in a bar, in a restaurant, almost everywhere. Others might think that you are ‘rude’ or ‘anti-social’. However, it is okay for you, and it is their problem to judge you for your ‘alone time’. If you need an individual moment and must cancel your appointment at the last minute, let it be. Just do it!
8. Your Level of Education.
Believe me, education is hyper-important, and it is almost embarrassing when you have a certain degree of education from where I grew up. However, why, however? You, as you are now, are not defined by your level of education. A person might be overeducated and still be an asshole or less human than you are. I think being as happy as you are is much more important than worrying if you have your Master's degree or not.
9. Stop saying “I am sorry.”
One important aspect of self-confidence and assertiveness is to refrain from over-apologizing. It is crucial to recognize that you do not need to apologize if you have not done anything wrong or if you do not feel genuinely sorry. This practice of unnecessary apologizing can diminish your sense of self-worth and diminish the impact of your genuine apologies when they are truly warranted.
Numerous individuals, including you, are in the process of undoing the tendency to apologize when refusing or cancelling. Breaking this habit requires effort and persistence, yet it is crucial to establishing boundaries and improving communication. Avoiding unnecessary apologies demonstrates greater self-confidence and respect for your choices.
Instead of defaulting to 'I am sorry,' consider expressing your message in a more direct and confident manner. For instance, you can state your reasons for refusing something or cancelling an appointment without feeling the need to apologize. This subtle shift in language can empower you to assert yourself more confidently and set clear boundaries in your interactions.
10. Eat whatever you want to eat.
Really! You owe no one an explanation when you want to eat that whole bowl of ice cream in a single scoop. So what about eating healthy, those green and biological ingredients? Well, I think it is unethical to let others decide what I will put in my mouth.
Personal Growth
Personal growth is the ongoing process of understanding and developing oneself to achieve one's fullest potential. It involves self-improvement, self-awareness, and self-discovery. Through personal growth, individuals can enhance their skills, expand their knowledge, and improve their mindset.
Key aspects of personal growth include:
Setting goals and working towards them
Stepping out of comfort zones
Embracing challenges and learning from failures
Seeking new experiences and opportunities for growth
Reflecting on one's beliefs, values, and behaviours
Personal growth is a lifelong journey that requires dedication, resilience, and openness to change. By investing in personal growth, individuals can become the best versions of themselves and lead more fulfilling lives.
There must be more things that we do not owe to someone else. I found a good read, which is helping me a lot, even though I am just halfway through. The book “The life-changing magic of Not Giving A F*ck” will be your eye opener and liberation for you starting today. I believe that, and I do not owe you any explanation.
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